Monday, April 20, 2015

The Calm

Today was mostly clear skies. No dark clouds on the horizon which is a good thing. It wasn't too exciting though, but that's all right. It's like this Chinese saying I heard years ago and have heard it's actually a curse goes - May You Live In Interesting Times. Interesting isn't always a good thing, but maybe for the most part it is. However, today was not either way.

I even had less to do today than on a normal Monday through Friday week. We have group here at 11:00am. Well, today is WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) group. Once you do all the lessons you don't have to attend them. I'm not completely finished, but today was lesson 4 and I am clear up until lesson 7. That's the last one I need and then I have completed the course. It's too bad I couldn't have finished this a couple of weeks ago. I could have signed up for the Peer Support Training classes. They are only held once a year in this area, so I'm pretty sad about that. It means that my goal of becoming a Peer Support Specialist is on hold for awhile. But it is what it is, so it's not worth getting upset over. Anyway, it left me with an extra hour to myself. Of course, there isn't much to do here so I spent the time in my room on my phone and on the internet. I was listening to Depeche Mode - a given - and checking on different things. I was waiting for my friend from the Netherlands to come online so we could write together. However, her mother's birthday was today so she was a bit late. But it's great fun writing with her and right now our current story is pretty interesting. I based parts of it from a nightmare I had the night before Easter. It's nice when I can pull negative things and use them positively or creatively. I usually take them and find a way to put them in my writing somewhere. Maybe not the exact event, but elements of it. After all, once you experience something it's easier to write about. You can describe it because you know how it felt with all senses. Just like being attacked by two people. I didn't know what that was like until January. But now I have and instead of letting it destroy me, I use that in my writing because now I know what it's like to get hit in the face, or rather, on the side of the face and eye.

Outside of that, I got on Facebook messenger for the first time in what feels like months. I think it has been at least two months. However, I felt it was time and slowly I hope to work back into running my group on there again. I like to help people and not doing that has taken something away from my life, I think.

I did get an email from my Aussie. He's such a great friend and every time I hear from him, he makes me smile. There's something about having a friend you can tell anything to that means so much. I can share with him things in my head that I can't seem to share with anyone else. I feel comfortable so comfortable and trust him so much that I share the thoughts in the dark recesses of my mind that I let no one into. When the storms are raging inside I can turn to him and tell him everything and he doesn't turn me away. He doesn't judge me. He just loves and supports me the best he can from where he is. I can't even begin to explain how much that means to me. It's a rare and precious gift. And every time I get an email from him, I smile and it brightens my whole day, even if it's an email about life and nothing else. So that was a special treat this evening and has made my night.

Now, it's after dinner. We have two people leaving here where I live. They have "graduated" the program, so to say, so we had a goodbye group. It's called a marble ceremony. Essentially, the person picks out a marble (or shell, or rock) and it gets passed from person to person and they say something special to the person leaving and their hopes and wishes for their future. These ceremonies are really a wonderful thing. I went through one at the Crisis House I was in back in January and I won't forget a couple of the comments because they really meant a great deal to me. I still have that marble too. I keep it somewhere it can't get lost. Usually it's only one person leaving, but tonight there were actually two. It's not something that happens here very often either, so it was interesting and nice. I didn't know either of them very well though, but they are both talented and I hope the best for them in the future.

So now, here I am posting on my blog and listening to Depeche Mode. Perhaps it's not exactly quiet because of the music drifting in my ears, but my mind is calm which is a great thing. I may not know what tomorrow will bring, but I know for now, things are good. This moment is all there is and I'm all right.

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